So it’s 4am and I can’t look at the clock bc my eyes tell my brain I should be in bed & my brain tells my heart to give it up it’s time to leave but then my eyes see all the dirt in the corners of my house now that it’s empty and my mind thinks I should clean before I go and my ears hear honey, everything is fine and then my heart is so jealous I think just leave it because right now I would give anything to keep using my own bathroom, mold and all.
Suddenly, I hear myself answer , “yes!”, even though I can’t remember the question and I know it’s a lie bc I want to scream, “NO! I’m NOT ready! We CAN’T go yet!” and throw a royal tantrum or at least sneak 1 last thing into the suitcases really, just this one but then I realize there’s nothing left to take. The house is empty. One last check for my passport is really just routine, because what kind of nutcase carries 8 suitcases & forgets her passport?
In the car I blend into the suitcases and just when I start to feel like another piece of luggage, I hear David try to distract me. “You’ve got to wonder, who else drives at 4am Sunday morning?” But I just smile glumly because it makes me wonder about everyone else who had to leave their homes.
I try to be brave for him, but he knows I’m not, because normally it’s me who talks to fill the silence and this morning he has taken on that task just to be nice. I can’t even remember why I’m doing this, so I just tell myself, won’t it be nice to relax? And that works for all of two minutes before I remember how many things I have left undone and how many I have left to do…
There will be no rest for me today.
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